#its always the late night delusions on god

[itsirk-is-tha-opposite]

Diluc never thought he could be jealous of a plushie. A plushie of himself, (well... his owl-self) which makes everything more absurd. Seeing you use the big owl as a cushion for your head, your arm, your thighs, whatever else, sparks some jealousy in him. Even now, when youre just chilling in the living room with it! Of course, he knows that a plushie wouldnt make you lose love for him, and that a plushie isnt (shouldnt be) more important than him but-

Hes been standing there awfully quiet for some time, and you noticed it too. You look at him, as his eyes transfixed on that plushie of yours, eyebrows just ever so slightly furrowing which makes you understand hes bothered (yes youve been together for so long you know the difference between different brow-furrows). Its funny, Diluc is always unintentionally funny, so you laughed. He snaps out of his inner monolog and looks at you blankly.

"Come here..." you said fondly and raised one of your arm as if making space for him to slide under it. Realising how stupid he looked, he felt embarresed and looked away. But, as your dutiful partner he sits near you, with a blush on his cheeks.

"Owluc, Diluc. Diluc, Owluc. Please be friends," you introduce Diluc to the plush and the plush to Diluc. As embarresed as he is, he managed out a chuckle, seeing how ridiculous this is. How he is. But thats just how he loves you.

[staryuee]

HOW THEY REACT TO YOUR SILENT TREATMENT.

꒰warnings꒱ not proofread … sigh

⠀꒲ ` synopsis . . . you and your partner are having a “cooling down period”, a time of détente, after a recent argument. how do they deal with the lack of love from you?

⠀꒲ ` characters . . . diluc, eula, wanderer, ayato, gorou, tartaglia, lyney, wriothesley, neuvillette, arlecchino

⠀꒲ ` notes . . . as a psychology student ☝️🤓 i can safely say that the silent treatment is usually frowned upon due to its connotations with emotional abuse, therefore i tried my best to make it apparent that this sort of silence is within the boundaries of the relationship ( ･᷄ὢ･᷅ ) please communicate with your loved ones if you feel a certain way :)

you and your beloved recently had a pretty bad argument. out of respect for both of your feelings you both decided to have a period of détente to allow a gradual recovery of your emotions and logical reasonings.

there was no need to argue, and there was also no need to be hostile or petty; therefore your silent treatment wasn’t a way to maliciously gain control or make your lover come running back to you, it was a way for both of you to regain composure and come back to the topic when prepared.

that did unfortunately, lead to much less affectionate gestures from both of you. of course there was still the casual “i love you” every morning and night accompanied by a simple kiss, but it never went anything beyond that.

while your lover fully knew why this sort of peaceful coexistence was necessary, sometimes it’s sincerely difficult to not just reach out and kiss you breathless.

you’re so close yet so far, it’s unbearable.

R. DILUC — 迪卢克

master diluc has been rather restless lately.

constant muttering to himself, plucking the dried up skin that stuck out from his badly bitten lips, his gloved hands constantly scratching a non existent scratch; honestly, if the fellow residents of dawn winery didn’t know any better they’d think he was possessed and required an immediate exorcist.

adelinde refuses to see her precious baby sink his eyes into ruin purely because he’s out secretly patrolling once he wakes up in the middle of the night to clear his head. you’re always there with him throughout the night: but why does it still feel so empty regardless?

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST ?

diluc is no pushover or people pleaser; if you were guilty, then you’re guilty and he’ll wait all the time in the world till you eventually own up and apologise (please let that come sooner or later though otherwise he’ll give into ruin and sip alcohol for a breather). otherwise, if its his fault, or no ones and it was a mere misunderstanding, the silent treatment lasts for a day. not any longer not any less; he doesn’t allow it to.

he’s more than happy to wait forever for you but gods if he ever made a mistake that accidentally led you to elongating this supposed transient silence till the end of time, diluc would much rather swallow his pride and give his all to you. you’re worth more than pettiness, and he’ll prove that to you once you wake up and get greeted with all your favourite luxuries and a bright, relieved smile on his face.

EULA — 优菈

you’re beyond delusion if you think this woman won’t turn this into a healthy-ish competition of sorts.

you wish to avoid her for days on end? she’s already used to the world avoiding her mere gaze, she can withstand the somber feeling of having the one person who’s fully understood her as the complex person she is self-isolating from her for a little while.

never mind, no, she literally can’t. come back to her right now. we have problem right? lets talk about it, isn’t that what you taught her in the first place? what do you mean you need a break and want to clear your head for a while to not hurt her feelings? you think eula of all people cares about something like that?

she’d rather you spit at her than withstand another hour of this mindless nonsense.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

she doesn’t apologise unless she sees whatever caused this perilous argument in the first place truly hurt you and you ended up in tears; otherwise whats the use in pointless words when you can easily hug it out and call it a day?

she lets you apologise under the guise of “if you don’t, my vengeance towards you will be greater than my foes”, but in reality? eula is hardly paying any attention to the words slipping past your lips. all she’s thinking about is how she’ll be able to shake off this uneasy tension that’s somehow been created between you two.

WANDERER — 流浪者

you can’t tell which one of you needed this little breather more, after all, you’d hope scara would allow himself to soften after distancing from you after a while, and scara hoped you’d see reason within your argument and eventually, as always, forgive him.

but forgiveness is a two way straight in the way most people subconsciously ignore; does he and could he ever forgive himself? that image of your teary eyed face, the harsh puffs of breath you heaved to prevent any more molten venom to burn his plastic skin, the slight clenching of your jaw, fuck it hurt.

he couldn’t admit it at the time, but right now after being forcefully peeled away from you for about week and forcing auntie nahida to listen to his venting rambles? he wished he just gave it all up and did something: anything at all. kissed you, hugged you, consoled you, swiped your tears away with his thumbs, fluttered his eyelashes on your cheek gently as he whispered an i love you.

yet all he could do right now was wait.

wait until you hopefully came back, he couldn’t face you. if you abandoned him he’d deal with it. the petals on the floor and the hushed whispers of “they love me, they love me not” are just hallucinations from his worried caregiver, he swears.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

never would he stoop so low as to apologise.

verbally. that is. if he’s aware that he’s in the wrong (believe me that look on your face does wonders for trying to figure out whats on your mind) he’ll begrudgingly come up with some covert way of making it up to you. he doesn’t want to be stuck in this immortalised silence forever; believe me, he likes your talking more than he realises and this little test trial of abandonment was more than enough proof that your existence within his life is essential.

if you’re not there standing by his side, what even is the point in that fraudulent pacemaker of his? your laughter is in the same shape of his heartbeat; if you’re not here, he’s just back to being that dumb little puppet cuddled ashore in the slim darkness of the night.

K. AYATO — 神里绫人

bile builds up in ayato’s throat, eyes threatening to spill hazardous tears on his paperwork. he HATES being away from you. yes, you’ll be back comfortably in his arms with a kiss on your forehead soon…but time isn’t making that “soon” come any quicker and it’s killing him.

‘silence’ is only the act of not speaking, right? so he’s technically allowed to sneak in pastries onto your desk when you’ve gone to take a break — he’s also most certainly allowed to write down his frustrations about not being able to be overly affectionate with you and then pitifully sliding them under your door in hopes you’ll read them and maybe write one back.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

he desperately tries to convince himself that if he works long enough, he’ll forget the hollowing feeling in his heart that’s left in the silhouette of you. he puts down his calligraphy pen with an exasperated sigh, rubbing his temples with rough motions as if to completely rid himself of any lingering thought of you.

that’ll never work, and ayato thinks you two have calmed down enough so therefore he trudged his way into your room, knocking of course, and sat down with you for a lengthy but beneficial conversation.

without a doubt, ayato will be the one to apologise first. whether it’s a conscious decision or not completely depends on how long he’s been away from you; at some point you just fall back into regular routine completely by accident.

GOROU — 五郎

he’s glad you’ve decided to take this sort of approach to your relationship instead of having a painful battle of the wits with him but right now, he’d withstand a thousand hours of scolding than the way his fellow soldiers worryingly clutter around their little general and ask about his well-being purely because those furry ears atop his bundle of bed hair decided to stay drooped down all week.

but he can’t help it! he’s utterly miserable! you didn’t even give him your complimentary “good morning, have fun at work, be safe” kiss before he left the door in the static quiet of your abode. to top this torture off? you haven’t pet him once, and while he’d normally revel in not being treated like an actual lap dog…you’re a huge exception in that rule!

unfortunately, it’s not like he can just outright demand attention from you merely because he’s feeling a bit down on his luck. you asked for peace, he’ll give it to you. he’s a war veteran but treats you like a flower thats sprouted on a ruined patch of sand.

ehem, but please come back to him soon. please?

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

whatever it takes to get your pretty hand to ruffle through his brunette locks he’ll do, he doesn’t care if the apology consists of him kneeling down on pitifully shaking his head near your thigh with his lips puckered into a pout. shame doesn’t exist within your relationship right? he’s more than willing to apologise first regardless of who was to blame.

if the argument was a little more serious however, he’ll sit down you on your couch that holds so many sweet significant memories within your mind, his head resting atop your collarbone and tail sneakily swishing from side to side now that your heartbeat was so clear to him. he’ll hear you out, talk through it, but more importantly, love and appreciate you.

TARTAGLIA — 公子

nuh uh. you think you’re getting silence with someone like him around? unless one or both of you fucked up really bad, tartaglia can’t see the point in silent ignorance; if you want to ignore him to personally calm down? sure, do whatever you want honey, you’re still getting treated like the other piece of his heart that you are.

if you’re genuinely annoyed he can leave you alone…for maybe two hours thirty minutes max. he loves you so much, talk to him, he doesn’t care if you insult him out of anger, lash out at him if you must. so long as you return into his arms so he can sway you around within his tender embrace and pepper your face with kisses, he’ll be more than happy and satisfied.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

him all day — call it the big brother complex with having to always apologise first whenever he got into a slight squabble or disagreement with his siblings when he were younger, or call it pure unadulterated love for you and the refusal to continue with this pointless staring battles whenever you guys were sitting across from each other.

whatever it is, just know he takes your feelings seriously regardless of the teasing grin across his face when you try not to squirm from the way his hand traveled from across your waist to the slither of exposed stomach. he just wants to assure you that his love won’t ever fade even if it becomes so deliberately one sided. he’s yours, after all.

LYNEY — 林尼

he’s used to eerie silence that bellowed icy winds against his ears, used to the tension that forced out his fight or flight response, but currently all he could do was freeze and overthink. how come this silence seemed so much more deafening than usual?

lyney doesn’t want this worse than capital punishment torture to continue without at least the slightest bit of laughter mingled into both of your days; he tries his best to curve your lips to even the slightest twenty degree lift using whatever he could. silly little flower reappearing trick there, a sneaky kiss to the side of your neck here; just any fleeting desperate attempt for some reciprocation on your part.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

lyney’s used to apologising first given his experiences within the house of hearth and the father herself. so imagine his surprise when you both incidentally stammer over one another as you two splutter apologies helplessly. god he’s so happy your relationship is built open gushes of giggles instead of the splats of tears because if it weren’t for that cute little accident? lyney was sure the second you opened your lovely lips to speak he would’ve teared up.

he missed that voice telling him constant i love yous, the affectionate cradling of his face against your neck and the way you wouldn’t hesitate to hold his flushed face within your cooling hands to comfort him after a particularly stress inducing performance.

WRIOTHESLEY — 莱欧斯利

you left the conversation with an “i love you.” so he knows that you’ll come back to him.

however, the last time he blindly trusted the comforting words of a loved one, it ended with blood on his hands and a lengthy sentence at the fortress of meropide. luckily for his heart and your own, he knows your charms and honeyed words aren’t for show and truly mean something.

wriothesley respects your boundaries and wishes to the t, he won’t speak to you like nothing at all happened but that doesn’t mean he won’t be overly cautious when it comes to your behavioural patterns. if he notices this sentence of silence is clearly taking its toll on you, he will, with no hesitation, talk everything out with you.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

depending on the argument, he’ll apologise first. if it’s rather undeniable that you were the one in the wrong however, he’ll explain his feelings thoroughly until you apologise — the standard. he doesn’t want this silence to end till the fortress of meropide overflows with primordial water so once you see multiple guards on your case more than ever, just know he’d like to talk to you.

NEUVILLETTE — 那维莱特

fontaine has been drenched in rain for the past couple of days. every hour, every minute, every second neuvillette spends alone in his office makes him realise just how grand and solemn it is. everything is so mundane and banal…even the cheerful mutters and chatters of the sweet melusines couldn’t bring a smile to his face — much to the dismay of the little sigewinne who even so kindly brought him a cake to cheer him up…

what makes it even worse is that everything reminds him of you…and oh god the muddied clouds have once again been cursed with rain. this unquenchable thirst for your presence cannot be ignored by a mere sip from his intricate cup and being the ever so carefully mindful iudex, neuvillette sees it more than fit to call this hopeless game of silence to quits.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

regardless of who’s in the wrong, neuvillette apologises first. he’s sorry for letting this go so far, he should’ve just trusted his gut and returned to your side even if it meant having to persuade you with his clever tongue or the coiling of his draconic tail around your leg to pull you sweetly closer.

honestly, if he could, he’d make this a punishment in the fortress of meropide for every couple. you committed a petty, technically non offensive crime? well instead of doing some charity work for the city, you’re not allowed by the side of your beloved for a few weeks.

ARLECCHINO — 阿蕾奇诺

a bunny within the jaws of a spring locked beast thinking it can persuade the tides in their favour with silence? arlecchino is amused you’d think such cheap tomfoolery would work to solve through your problems.

“darling, come here,” she taps her lap with her blood-stained nail, her eyes looking up at you greedily to soak up every single jitter of your movements as you alas fall onto your rightful throne, “my dumb bunny,” arlecchino coos at you with that devilishly low hum of her voice. “do you think the phrases ignorance is bliss, distance brings fondness, truly work within our relationship?”

arlecchino painfully grasps at your waist, that grip only loosening once you comfortably situate yourself on her thighs and lace your arms around her neck per routine. “i’d expect this behaviour from my children at the house of hearth, not you, angel.” she nibbles on your earlobe deliberately, forcing your lips to part just the way she likes. that perfect look of both surprise and desire; it’s a gorgeous display of your vulnerability.

“explain to me your problems, or else we can be at this forever.”

no such thing as the silent treatment when the very epitome of a wordless shadow has betrothed you.

©STARYUEE do not copy, steal or repost ♡ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɪʜᴇᴀʀᴛɢᴀɴʏᴜ

[coldwayhome]

IS IT CASUAL NOW? piper mclean.

synopsis: in which you're "casual" with piper mclean.

tags: 16+ ONLY!!!! suggestive content ahead. mentions of hookups & drinking, both parties are over 21. no graphic nsfw written. some angst & fighting. no set gender, but relationship is implied to be wlw.

notes: soo self indulgent i hope you enjoy <33

✧˚ · .

10:36. she's late.

you paced around the lawn, waiting for her to pull into your driveway. she said 10:30, but she's always running late. you can't blame her for it, she's busy. that's what she tells you at least.

headlights flared, and piper's white jeep speedily pulled up to you.

she asks if you're ready to go, and you feel yourself smile at the sound of her voice. she has you wrapped around her finger (whether she knows it or not).

driving to her apartment is a quick 10 minutes, but feels like ages with her hand tracing your thigh. getting inside her door is better, you think. at least she looks at you.

laying in bed with piper at night was nice. she's sweet to you, kissing the dark purple bruises and wrapping her arms around you when you need it.

but it always made you question things. question things like: what are we? what do you think of me? do you think we'll grow old together?

and when do you know if it's stopped being casual— when you've moved in? it's not like you could ask her, because she just smiles and changes the subject. everyone thinks you're dating and you don't have the heart to correct them. it's nice to think about.

✧˚ · .

you're staring at your disheveled self in the mirror and think: sometimes, you wish you never met her.

what would life be like without piper? this situation with her has been going on for half a year, and she's still shown you no semblance of an official answer.

it doesn't help that you argued in the car. it was about something insignificant to both of you, but you knew there was something beneath the surface she was actually mad about. you chose to not bring it up, and say nothing but a short farewell when you were dropped back off at your house.

✧˚ · .

she says she hates you.

but it's just that she knows your coffee order by heart. and it's just that the passenger seat is adjusted to your liking. and it's just that you've met her parents.

but it's just that that you can see a future with her, and you know she can too.

so you call her. she doesn't pick up at first, but she calls back a few minutes later.

she's guarded; you don't usually call her.

you ask how she is, she says she's fine. you know she's not.

you just want to talk; doesn’t end well.

what, to check on her? she’s fine, don’t call her again.

✧˚ · .

2:12. a text from piper. two words, if you can even call it that.

you up?

no response from you.

three minutes later:

baby please

m sorry

miss u

she’s drunk, for sure. she only gets drunk when she’s trying to drown her feelings. aka, when she knows she fucked up. gods.

you grab your phone to text her: where are you?

no response.

you don’t really have to ask though. if she’s this drunk, she’s at home. hopping in your car with no time for bluetooth, the radio blares whatever station you left it on last. there were no thoughts circling you head other than her.

pushing the door open, you march into piper’s fancy apartment. there she is, sniffling on the floor with her emptied cup of coke & rum that was most likely refilled a couple times.

seeing your face, she attempts to get up off the carpet where she was sitting, but ends up falling over. rushing to her side, you pull her into an embrace and rest on the floor with her.

“i love you.” she slurs.

“stop.” you say, silencing her but not pushing her off.

✧˚ · .

you say won’t live in delusion. you say you hate her. you say piper mclean does not love you.

you, of all people, know that’s not true.

but you have no interest in talking to her about it.

ITS HARD BEING CASUAL WHEN MY FAVORITE BRA IS IN YOUR DRESSER 📢📢🗣️🗣️‼️‼️

where are the piper stans…

[eternalflashh]

reflection ; aspiration

neuvillette / furina (platonic or romantic, your pick) | 999 words

“There’s been an uproar in rumors, you know,” says Brigitte, a relaxed countenance accompanied by the darkening night. “Regarding the Hydro Archon—whether she has truly died. They say—“

“—the Hydro Archon faked her death, and is really just shirking her duties? I’ve heard,” the Iudex hums. There isn’t any trial scheduled for the day, so the court of Erinnyes is considerably empty. The winter air blows pleasantly past them, the fountains by the court lazily reaching for the skies. “The idea isn’t particularly new, either. Even the light novel writer who popularized it admitted she drew inspiration from past research that was buried in the depths of Meropide.”

“That explains your lack of surprise. But if the idea managed to persist through time…”

“Perhaps only testifies to how tempting the idea is, to humans—to those who cannot accept loss so easily.”

Neuvillette’s steps slowed down before the Fountain of Lucine, Brigitte following suit. It’s one of the few things in Fontaine that has observed significant change since the Hydro Archon’s resignation; the Chief Justice had been quite insistent on retaining everything in Fontaine as they were, as if the god had never left. Truly, life had continued with all of Fontaine still worshiping their god, no matter that she had become human. No matter that she had passed.

The Fountain of Lucine blooms ever the brighter in the night, water gleaming cyan with a power of Hydro that exists nowhere else. Water sprites swirl around the fountain, crooning a gentle melody, heard only to those with particular affinity. 

It’s a wonderful night to treat your friends out to a meal, speaks the teasing voice. Whether the voice is real or simply a figment of his imagination, Neuvillette refuses to discern. Turn back before it is too late—or I will splash you with a rage that rivals the Tulpa’s.

The Champion Duelist remains silent. Then, “I don’t suppose you are so much different than us, in that regard.”

“I don’t make up stories to convince myself she’s alive,” Neuvillette chuckles, but his eyes are still fixated on the statue before him. 

“You don’t. You make a shrine of her—a sentient image—that should remind everyone of her existence, her divinity, her sacrifice. An eternal reminder that serves as your company when she is no more.”

The water swims around Furina’s curtseying figure, before resting upon the pool with a splash. “I believe the difference lies in that I have thoroughly accepted her death. I am… remembering her for the life she’s lived, not spun-up tales about boasted magnificence, or a selfishness to her that never existed.”

“Yet you pray, like she's to come save you.” Brigitte laughs, but it is pitiful. “I believe that is your own manner of delusion.”

“Is that what it is, to you?” Neuvillette lets out a gentle smile, running a hand through the diaphanous waters. “Here I thought I’d simply been reminiscing.”

The skies let out its first teardrops; like this has happened one too many times, Brigitte quickly pulls out her umbrella, shielding herself from the rain. Neuvillette, as always, takes the rain as it is—lets it run down the length of his hair, the edges of his coat, his gloved fingertips. 

“I’ll take my leave for the day, then,” the duelist says in greeting. Neuvillette lets out a hum, barely casting a glance her way. She turns, but pauses just then.

“You say this is reminiscence, to you.”

“Yes, indeed.”

“Why is it that you reminisce of her, when it is your birthday?”

The trickle of rain against the stone road fills the air. Neuvillette hardly budges, gazing still at the fountain, the statue, the vigorous waters, the glowing waters, holding moonlight in its palm. 

“What do you do on your birthday, Brigitte?”

“We commemorate our lives, how far we’ve come,” she responds in an instant, “and make wishes for the upcoming year, what’s more to come.”

Neuvillette then turns to her, granting her a small smile. “Isn’t the Fountain of Lucine perfect for such notions? For reflection, for aspiration?”

Brigitte raises an eyebrow. There seems to be a question barred behind her gaze, but she shakes her head, and gives him a nod, before walking towards the station, leaving the Chief Justice to his own company. His own, and the spirits of the fountain before him.

You are hopeless, it seems to be saying. A fine night, and you ruin it with rain and gloom.

Neuvillette takes his gloves off, lets himself feel the touch of benevolent waters. He lets the fountain dance, feeling currents run through his fingers, feeling its poison, feeling its kiss. 

He closes his eyes. 

In his mind, indeed, are plenty of memories. Of banter in the court from the Iudex and the Hydro Archon’s respective seats. Of watching Furina dance on stage, him holding his heart with the utmost admiration. Of distress, seeing Furina shrieking over the smallest critters, running over the smallest problems. Of all the times Furina would question his faith in her—to retrospectively understand the fear that underlied her accusations, the desperation in her violence.

Neuvillette would spend hours in the rain doing this—to replay each memory, four hundred years worth of a performance; to learn why she had chosen to act the scene in that specific way, to appreciate it all belatedly. The show is over, but Neuvillette has plenty of time going ahead anyway—if there is anything he owes her, if there is anything he can do, as the specially invited audience—it’s to learn.

To learn, to praise, to immortalize. 

The skies betray his heart, thundering and pouring through the night, swallowing the full moon with its weight. But Neuvillette stays by the fountain, letting it dance to its heart’s content until it decides to rest. 

What is the meaning of my existence? He’s had to ask for centuries. 

This, he’s realized. To be your witness, to be the arbiter of true Justice, for past, present, and for all of the lightless future.

[writers-vlogx]

Yandere namor headcanons

I NEED THIS MAN TO BE POSSESSIVE AND AGGRESSIVE, I NEED HIM TO WANT YOU SO BAD HE WILL DO ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU

It doesn't matter how he knows you, doesnt matter who you are, what matters is you catched his attention, and you know better than to attract the attention of a god.

It doesn't matter what drawer him in, what matters is that he has his eyes set on you. And he refuses to have anyone else.

You will be his, you don't have a choice

The first time you ever meet him, or at least you think it's the first time. He comes to you as if he was just like you. An illusion he wished he could believe, to believe he's lived his entire life next to you.

His delusion has not completely blinded him, he knows he should not just show himself to you and risk his life or his peoples life, but hey its not like you'll get very far even if you try.

Meeting him for the first time is certainly a... experience to say the least, this man that has winged feet and pointed ears that seems to be almost floating, but no that can't be true. You must be hallucinating!

Yeah that's right, that's it you must have not drank enough water and now your seeing things!

But as you stand up to leave in confusion and awe assuring yourself it was a lack of water, you feel a hand wrap around your wrist. "Where are you going amor?" ...this wasn't a dream, this man was real..he's standing right in front you me, and as if this couldn't get any worse in your shock you do the only thing that you know.

The legends of your people had taught you well, your grandmother always told you about people from the water that would take careless passerby's and drown them at the bottom of the ocean, she had told you to never go near the water at night.

She had told you that if you ever did and you saw one of them the thing that could save you was...Scream.

But almost as if he had read your mind he covered your mouth before any sound could come out, You looked up at him in fear of the stories you had heard him. Were you going to be drowned like other carless victims? but instead he just stared, seemingly unable to know of what to do. Almost like he hadn’t thought of what to do after covering your screams. 

So he slowly let his palm uncover your mouth and the second his body had stopped making contact you ran, you didn’t know if it would help but it was the only logical thing you were able to think of in that moment. 

And contrary to what you thought he did not chase after you, he only stared as you ran, and in a way you felt kind of bad for him but you couldn’t bring yourself to give it much thought instead you decided to push the strange feeling down. 

The days that followed he had been observing you, following your routine and seeing if you had alerted anyone of the incident, that could have been a good excuse he thought for him to justify him taking you away.

But as faith would have it, you hadn’t. 

The days passed on and he became more and more anxious not having you by his side but the thought of just letting you go didn't sit right with him either

So he planned everything from where you would stay, to how he would take you; he wanted to be gentle with you, he didn't want you to hate him either

So in order to avoid any...problems, he decided to take you when he knew no one would notice as easily, at night when none of the village dared to walk near the sea

You don't know what made you go back to that beach, maybe it was the fact that it had the effect of calming you for so long that now you just had to come here everytime you needed to breath, but unfortunately for you he was waiting just like how you had left him that time amd whether you knew it or not he's not letting you go this time

Everything happened so quick that by the time you had processed everything it was too late, he had you in his grasp; his arms were wrapped around your chest and his face hidden in your neck breathing in your scent

"Please be mine, and rule alongside me"

He tried so hard to make it sound like a question, like he was giving you an option, news flash he wasn't. It was a statement of what you were going to do whether you wanted to or not, after all it's all really your fault darling, you know better than to grab the attention of a god right?

I'm sorry it was shitty, but I've received yalls requests and I'm currently working on them, I just wanted to clean out my drafts finally 😮‍💨

@yoongskook @hausofmamadas

[puckthedrama]

i have not added my thoughts on this Adam Larsson cheating on Vera topic, but the constant “Vince Dunn Fan girls” claim is so played out. why on earth would revealing tea on ANY kraken players (including Adam Larsson cheating) mean ur a Vince Dune fan? bro NOOOO one cares about Vince or his toxic racist relationship. Adam is a cheater. yeah, I’ve seen his behavior WITH. MY. OWN. EYES. these men are not gods, these men are known to create a clean image and have a whole different persona on the road and behind closed doors. different cities, different hotels. late nights. attention on them at restaurants..bars…and lounges…look at how many players being exposed for cheating has been infact true WITHOUT pics or videos. If u needed a pic or vid for every submission NONE of these blogs would exists. I work in an industry where you can’t whip out ur phone when u see a client making out with someone you know he shouldn’t be making out with. If ur classmate came to u and said hey girl, your man is cheating, i saw him and multiple ppl have claimed the same, would you say “NO he’s not we have a perfect relationship. i know him best. he’s never shown cheating behavior. ur just jealous. ur a fan. ur trying to make him look bad to make his teammate look good. its not true bc u haven’t shown me proof.this is out of no where bc i never heard him cheat. ALL of u are lying. ”-is that a response grounded in reality, or is it delusions of perfection and grandeur? we know the answer. do not try to defend a man who has countless ppl saying the same thing. are we all crazy GIRLS and need to keep quiet about the not so perfect MAN? goodnight girls.

P.S. the owners of this blog are Victoria Secret Angels and they uploaded a face reveal to prove it. 🩷👯…lol y’all are beyond gorgeous.

this is juicy as fuck omg. he was kissing another girl just out in public like that??? jeeeez!!!

so adam is cheating on vera yikes!! thank you for this anon!!

and yes!! jealousy is always something people use as an excuse when in reality, most of the times it’s not the case at all!

& omg thank you for the last part 😭💝😭💝

[crazylittlejester]

DAILY BRAINROT

I feel like I should be formatting these like the emails I send with my school email. /half-joking

Anyway, I would like to preface today's brainrot by saying I came up with this very late at night, and you said this not that long ago:

YEAAAAAAAAH SMACK HIM WITH THE ANGST STICK, there is not nearly enough Hyrule angst in this world 😔💔

Anyway, I had an idea to make Hyrule's life even worse than it already is. A while ago, I wrote a fic about Wild trying to comfort Hyrule while the traveler is literally dying in his arms because I wanted to write something that took advantage of the way that Hyrule uses dolls to resurrect himself in his games. In addition to that, I really love the parallels between Hyrule and Wild, specifically regarding resurrection via magic/magical items. I think they should bond more over it.

Since we recently talked about the idea of Hyrule having a blood curse that is the cause behind the whole resurrecting Ganon thing, I was, of course, thinking about that, and it's interesting how the guy who can be resurrected can also be used as an ingredient to resurrect at least one other person.

This suggests the possibility that it could work on any dead body provided that there is enough left over, enough blood, and whatever it is that makes the connection between the blood curse thing and the actual process of resurrection.

So going back to Hyrule and Wild. In theory (and this is a massive leap), using Hyrule's blood with the correct Sheikah technology could resurrect someone. Sheikah technology is weird. I have no idea how it works or what powers it, but as far as I know, there's no reason why Hyrule's blood can't be used in place of whatever source is currently in use.

This brings me to the actual idea I came up with. I think it would be fun if Hyrule was the power source behind the Shrine of Resurrection and (perhaps some other forms of Sheikah technology). Given that he has the Life spell, he could 100% be used as a green energy source. Blood is a renewable resource, that's one of the reasons why blood donations work. Adding the Life spell onto that means he'd have fewer limits than a normal human or hylian.

Which means, if this idea isn't just absolutely bonkers, I might finally have a motive for Dark Link in my Guidemarks AU. But it needs to pass brainrot peer-review first, so let me know what you think. Is this just a crazy late-night rambling that should be used as hallucination/delusion material in a sickfic or is it worthy of being included in an actual outlined story?

I think it would be fun if Hyrule was the power source behind the Shrine of Resurrection <- THE SCREAM I FUCKING SCRUMPT. OH MY GOD.

I love the dolls, it’s just such a cool concept to me, and also I totally agree this is something Hyrule and Wild could bond over

THIS FUCKING EATS. ITS INSANE /POS. I’M OBSESSED WITH IT

Thank you so much for the brainrot, as always 🫶🫶🫶

[miss-tc-nova]

The Lives We Want - Leona x Jamil

Heya! @completeanduttermess​ Happy late new year to you too!

Thank you for asking for this! I’ve had writing on the back burner for too long and this is just what I needed! Also, sorry it took so long, work is dumb. But I had fun! Could’ve had a neater ending, but I just wanna write all the interactions!!! Meaning this is a lot longer than I meant for it to be. C’est la vie.

Music Inspiration: Water by Pentatonix

Words: 3,241

Premise: Leona gives Jamil the opportunity he’s always dreamed of, but Jamil hesitates. 

~~~~~

              Steady hands clasp the belt around his waist. Black fabric billows, the gold embroidery glittering as the hood veils his face. Dark eyes survey his appearance in the mirror.

              Wearing the school’s ceremonial robes has always brought an unexpected peace. Though the rebellious heart longed to show the world his true strength, the mind held enough discipline to know that was dangerous. Still, in these clothes, slithering through the school with no one the wiser to his identity was child’s play. There were no responsibilities to anyone and nothing to hold him back so long as none could discern him from the rest of the crowd.

              Reigning in his fantasies, Jamil checks his appearance again without the narcissism—it wouldn’t do to have the retainer of the Asim prince looking unkempt in any way. Finding not a single flaw, he takes his leave of his room to that of his ward’s. And gods if he didn’t need to do that; the young royal hasn’t even clambered out of bed yet. Perhaps Jamil would live longer if Kalim wasn’t such a chaotic soul with no sense of responsibility.

              With both boys finally presentable, Jamil follows Kalim through the dorm mirror and towards the school. On the other side, they meld into the sea of hundreds of other students, dressed in the same formal attire. This is when the somber blanket falls upon the retainer.

              Today is graduation day. Night Raven College is about to send its senior students off into the world to officially begin life. Today is a day of goodbyes—a day where numerous connections will be severed and many will part ways. Though Jamil thought he’d been suitably prepared, cracks begin to mar the defenses around his heart.

              Jaw clenched, the young man lowers his head. His pace slows, allowing Kalim to slip ahead while he loses himself among the other faceless students.

              Dammit.

              He had so thoroughly convinced himself that he was ready to say his farewells. It was natural after all—nobody expects high school relationships to last forever. Surely his couldn’t be any different. It’s not as if he’d actually gotten to see his boyfriend much this last year anyway. Fourth years were expected to gain real-life experiences with their internships off campus and his beloved was no exception. For twelve months, their relationship had been more words on a screen than real affection and Jamil tried to use that time to wean himself off this delusion. Apparently, it didn’t work.

              Now stationary, the Scarabian vice-housewarden lets the others filter past. He knows that he must inevitably force himself to attend the ceremony, but whispers from his heart beg him not to let this happen.

              Shoes of those walking past blur, water threatening to blind him.

              “You ain’t thrilled to be here either, huh.”

              A clawed grip holds his heart precariously, threatening to puncture it should Jamil lose control. Still, he lifts his gaze to meet that of his boyfriend, Leona Kingscholar. The second prince of the Sunset Savana has never been fond of formal events, but even he seems particularly loathsome today. Dark rings line emerald eyes, highlighting the contempt overflowing in them. His mouth sits in a hard line as if he’s already come to terms with his decision.

              Unable to bring sound to his lips, Jamil looks away.

              “Good.”

              Suddenly, a saffron jewel meets his chin, the pen tipping his face back towards Leona. There’s resolve burning in the lion’s gaze that raises alarms.

              “Slip into silent slumber. Sail on a silver mist.” A gentle glow illuminates the magestone. “Slowly and surely your senses will cease to resist.”

              By the time Jamil puts all the pieces together, it’s too late. Heavy fog infests his mind, seeping through his nerves to weigh on his body. Darkness descends on him as his consciousness begins to slip. Escape is futile as the grip on his robes keeps him close. Only Leona could have gotten Jamil to let his guard down long enough for this to happen.

              The last thing he’s aware of are the final words of the incantation whispered into his ear, almost as if pleading with him.

              “Trust in me.”

~~~~~

              In all his life, Jamil has never known his body to feel this heavy. Every limb feels like lead and resists even the smallest movements. An irritating burn lies behind his eyelids that convinces him to doze a little longer. On the other hand, his world is spinning, churning at his stomach and attempting to rouse him.

              That nausea begins to win over the inertia. It takes an absurd effort to roll onto his side before he finally manages to pry his eyes open.

              Bad idea.

              Immediately, eyes clamp shut again. Jamil hides his face, hands clutching desperately at the pillow in an attempt to get the world to just slow down. A groan drowns in the fabric.

              Muffled noises break through the external smog, somehow ringing familiar. There’s no chance to make sense of anything though before his stomach gives one last protesting turn.

              Jamil bolts upright, falling sick into the wastebin shoved into his arms.

              “Guess it’s not surprising that a stronger sleep spell would have stronger side effects.”

              Dark blurs begin to sort themselves out and those charcoal eyes find the man sitting beside him. He’s muscular with olive skin. Black hair falls just past his jawline, nestling a pair of brown ears at the top of his head. These features somehow lie in the uncanny valley—familiar yet in an odd, unsure way. But it’s the eyes that give him away. Even if it weren’t for the scar across the left, those eyes visit Jamil in even his dreams.

              Fury seethes through Jamil as he snatches the front of Leona’s shirt. Despite coming out ragged, his words show his ire.

              “What did you do?”

              It’s infuriating that the lion doesn’t even flinch beneath the snake’s glare. There’s no annoyance or regret or anything from him—just acceptance.

              “I gave you a chance.”

              Jamil’s anger falters. “What?”

              Hands stained with ink take the basket from him. “Go clean up. Then we’ll talk.”

              Leona’s complete lack of reaction has Jamil baffled. He watches in silence as the elder leaves through a door that lets silver moonlight spill in before it closes behind him.

              Alone, Jamil surveys the room. The walls haven’t seen a fresh coat of paint in years. Across from the bed he sits on is a TV that must’ve been bought ages ago and the dresser beneath it is such an old design. The chairs sitting in the corner would never be found in any sane person’s home, yet they match the curtains just as ugly. Even this bedspread is some horrid mess of red and orange.

              To the right is a counter embedded with a sink. Smeared across the mock porcelain is black pigment cluttered with clumps of hair. He could’ve made an entire cat with the amount scattered everywhere.

              And there he is, staring back at himself from the mirror above the counter. He seems perfectly fine, though his skin is a bit pale from the fatigue. He’s even still wearing the ceremonial robes. Unlike Leona, Jamil is still perfectly Jamil, if only a little sick.

              The snake takes a moment of asses his situation. Yes, he’s been kidnapped, but Leona would never intentionally harm him. His boyfriend is smart and rational, so there must be some reason behind this ordeal. But until he returns for questioning, Jamil decides to take his advice and clean himself up.

              Lying at the foot of the bed are some bags, one looking a lot like his. Pulling it open, he finds his own things; Leona packed this for him. This was premeditated for who knows how long.

              Jamil takes a change of clothes into the small bathroom. The water cools his skin and soothes his dizzy head. Afterwards, he feels significantly better, especially upon finding his favorite hoodie stashed among his things.

              Clean—stable—Jamil sits back on the bed. There’s still no sign of Leona yet, so without much else to do, he turns to the TV for some distraction. Of course there’s not much of a selection in terms of channels—soap operas that’ve run for decades and lost the plot, the news showing his face, cartoon reruns.

              Wait, what?!

              Jamil flips back to the news and, sure enough, photos of him and Leona are on display behind the news anchor.

              “It’s been three days since the Night Raven College graduation ceremony as well as the last day anyone has seen or heard from missing students: Leona Kingscholar and Jamil Viper.”

              Three days?! It’s been three days?!

              “Police have yet to find any clues to the missing boys’ whereabouts and the school is under heavy fire from parents of other students asking what if their children are next.”

              Jamil watches in horror as a clip of his family plays, begging for someone—anyone—to help find their son. Leona’s family also seems shaken about his disappearance as his nephew cries in the queen’s arms.

              The door opens. Immediately, his eyes find the screen, narrowing in disappointment.

              “They’re still playing the bullshit?” he sighs, closing the door behind him.

              “Leona, what did you do?” Jamil presses.

              He drops a shopping bag on the table in the corner. “I did what was best.”

              “’What was best?!’ We’ve been reported missing! Authorities are out looking for us!”

              “So what. They’re not gonna find us.” Arms fold, his tail flickering in irritation.

              Standing, Jamil presses his hands to his face, no closer to understanding than when he woke. He hadn’t considered that Leona wouldn’t want to be found, though the signs are glaringly obvious. Still, he didn’t think the prodigy strategist would do something so reckless.

              “You have to be kidding me. I can’t be here right now! What if something happens to Kalim?!”

              That tail goes from flickering to thrashing. Though the beginnings of a snarl pull at Leona’s lips, Jamil doesn’t hesitate.

              “If something happens to him, I’m screwed! The royal family will have my head!”

              Shoulders tense, ears drawn.

              “What the hell were you thinking?!”

              The fangs finally show. “I WAS THINKING YOU DESERVE TO BE FREE!”

              Jamil’s mouth falls open. But the lion isn’t done roaring yet.

              “Do you even hear yourself?! You’ve bene kidnapped and all you can think about is that pathetic prince!” It’s Jamil’s turn to bite his tongue. “You think I’m fine watching you, day in and day out, follow that sorry excuse of a leader when you should be ruling him?! You could ruin that kid without breaking a sweat! But you chose to conceal all that potential ‘cause you’re afraid of breakin’ some moronic hierarchy that doesn’t even acknowledge your efforts! And I’m sick of pretending that it’s fine! We could go out there and you can actually have a life! Travel the world, hole up in some little nowhere town—I don’t care! But you wouldn’t have to hide who you are anymore.”

              His words pierce like arrows. This is what Leona thought of him—he saw the effort that Jamil put into his life and the potential despite Jamil’s best efforts. He saw Jamil for who he was and cared anyway. While Jamil had been preparing to sever this relationship—even though he cherished it more than anything—Leona had been planning to fight for it. Theirs has never been a typical relationship in any sense, but it was things like this that proved the royal cared for a lowly snake like Jamil Viper. And that frightens him.

              “So you were just going to abduct me and force me to go with you?” He hates every word coming from his mouth. “You weren’t going to even ask me if this is what I wanted?”

              Chin tipping in defiance, Leona backs his prey into the corner. “I know you want this.” Before Jamil can spit back, the lion adds, “And don’t pretend you don’t. This is everything you’ve ever wanted: no master to answer to, freedom from responsibility, the ability to make your own choices. You don’t have to hide all that desire you think is so cleverly concealed.”

              Jamil’s lips purse without a retort.

              “But by all means, leave.” Claws sink into Jamil’s heart. A fire burns in his gaze as he continues. “Go back to the miserable life you hate so much. Grovel at the feet of the Asims and beg for their forgiveness for your transgression. But I’m not goin’ back just to watch you suffer. So leave me out of it.”

              “Leona…” He doesn’t know what else to say.

              Leona pulls the magic pen from his pocket, tracing the door to the room. When it tears open, Jamil’s room back in Scarabia is on the other side.

              Radiating his bitterness, Leona waves to the opening. “There’s the door.”

              He leaves it wide open for the snake, stalking past him to the bathroom where the door slams shut behind him.

              Every drop of distress and tension leave Jamil with a sigh. Leona’s proposal—while sweet and considerate—is unrealistic. People can’t just drop their lives at any moment; Jamil has responsibilities and others to think about. He can’t stay here.

              Picking up the bag of his belongings, Jamil approaches the portal. However, rather than stepping through, he finds himself hesitating at the threshold.

              Eyes scan across the room that represents his life thus far. The more he looks, the more he finds a room that belongs to a servant than himself. Books studied only to keep Kalim from failing, a closet full of clothes chosen only to make the Asim family appear as generous masters, a full first-aid kit meant to tend to the prince in an emergency: this isn’t Jamil’s room—not by choice.

              Just like his life.

              Suddenly, the door across the room opens. A familiar young man stands there, looking further down the hall.

              “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanna check Jamil’s room for—”

              Crimson eyes catch sight of the man standing in the portal. His face is swollen from the tears, some having left fresh trails along his cheeks. He looks haphazardly dressed, hardly any of his clothes fastened correctly. He’s a mess but the relief at the sight of his retainer is genuine.

              For the first time, Jamil looks at Kalim and sees not the prince but the person. Kalim asked for this life just as much as Jamil had; he was just dealt a better hand. Even so, in all his ignorance, he just wanted others to enjoy themselves. It may have meant more work for Jamil more often than not, but his intentions were that Jamil would enjoy himself too. He was a fool, sure, but he wasn’t a villain.

              “Jamil!”

              Kalim rushes for his friend. Pure adrenaline floods Jamil’s system and, before he can even think, the door slams shut. Whatever magic Leona used fades, reconnecting the door to its proper space at the motel.

              Silence fills the room as the realization of his choice washes over him. Leona was right about him—about everything. He may not hate Kalim, but going back would be the worst mistake.

              Especially when he has…

              A creak draws attention back to the bathroom door. He’s still not quite used to the dark head of hair that pokes out. The look of misery instantly turns to suspicion.

              “Weren’t you supposed to be leaving?” Oh, he’s upset.

              The shock of his own rebellion still fresh, Jamil deflects the question. “You were going to ruin your own life just to free me?”

              “Look around you—that life’s already ruined.” There’s no eye contact. “Not like there’s much of a life for a second prince anyway. Falena and the whole Sunset Savana can go to hell.”

              It’s not outright, but Jamil gets the message loud and clear. Leona cares about Jamil more than the life of a royal. And now Jamil can say with complete confidence the he would choose this chance with Leona over everything.

              “That’s not really that convincing; you used to say that even before you committed a felony,” Jamil teases. Even as he does, he lets the bag fall from his shoulder and strolls around the bed.

              “What d’you want from me?” Leona huffs.

              Jamil’s arms snake around his waist, hand clutching tightly at the man he had almost let slip through his fingers. There’s resistance for only a second or two before Leona hugs him back. The heartbeat against his ear, the warmth wrapped around him, the addictive scent: he can’t believe he actually considered letting this go.

              A kiss to his forehead infects Jamil with a warm euphoria. Leaning back, he glances up to meet that expression of adoration.

              But he’s just still not used to it.

              “Okay, what the hell did you do to your hair?”

              A rough hand shoves through the mutilated mane in agitation. “What? I figured it would buy me at least a few weeks before anyone figured me out. By then, we’d already be long gone.”

              Jamil sighs. “Sit down. Let me fix it.”

              “As if you can do any better.”

              The snake scoffs. “You think I let anyone near Kalim with a pair of scissors? I barely let Kalim near Kalim with a pair of scissors. At the very least I can clean it up.” Leona lets him push him into a chair. “I can’t believe you went out looking like this.”

              An ear flickers. “Hey.”

              “You even forgot to die the end of your tail. Everyone’s going to know black isn’t your natural color.”

              “This is some fuckin’ gratitude you got goin’ on.”

              Jamil chuckles. In one fist, all his hair is pulled back. Leona’s brows rise when the scissors follow. There’s no going back when his hand closes, blades shearing right through years upon years of growth. Barely longer than Leona’s now, his hair brushes against his chin.

              He places the fistful of hair on the counter. “Better?”

              There’s a smirk. “You’re gettin’ there.” Smile wider—cheesier—Leona looks up. “We could dye it green or pink or somethin’.”

              A finger taps to Leona’s nose. “I don’t think so. Besides, I thought we were trying to keep a low profile.”

              “Fiiiine. So where do you wanna go first?”

              Jamil starts his work of fixing Leona’s hair. “Dunno. We might have to hitchhike somewhere and get jobs if we want to actually get anywhere.”

              “Probably not for the first couple o’ years.”

              “What do you mean?”

              “We could go anywhere, right now.”

              Jamil doesn’t follow. “Leona, we don’t have the money.”

              That grin has Jamil second-guessing himself, but the lion stands and grabs one of the duffle bags. He then unceremoniously dumps an entire bag of high value bills onto the bed. It’s more than Jamil could’ve hoped to earn in his entire life.

              “This is everything I had in my bank account.” Leona looks so smug with himself right now. “So, where to first?”

              Despite the shock and embarrassment, Jamil can’t hide the smile behind his hand. Scissors fall to the floor, freeing up his hands as he lunges at Leona. They fall onto the bed, onto the money, kissing and laughing. Nothing could dampen their spirits right now. They have their whole lives ahead of them. They have the world in their hands. They have their freedom.

              They have each other.

~~~~~

Nova’s Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

[sunlessea]

' i find myself choosing you, more and more every day. ' - adrifires

dead of ass i don't even know the memes anymore › @londonfallen.

no one would ever believe him if he told them that mr fires was capable of kindness, even tenderness when it so chose. he isn't under the impression a single person in its factories believes that it loves him, though it's biggest doubter, in all heartbroken irony, would be adrien himself. if it does, though ... he supposes this is its way of saying it, quiet admissions where he finds himself half conscious against its chest in its own unsightly home. he isn't a fan of its lodgings, he'd made that abundantly clear, but still — what an odd intimacy to be afforded, during the times he gives in to it regardless, and stomachs the annoying surroundings for the sake of ... romanticisms, he guesses. he'd never admit it, of course, that he notices these things, and he's not even sure that it knows he does : for all the fight he tended to put up, sometimes he knows it is hard to tell where his delusion ends and his own genuine feelings begin.

it is ... a horrifying feeling, to have terror and love intertwine in one's own heart. it isn't the first time he's felt this way, but it is the first time he's felt it so deeply. nights stolen in his youth taking turns holding hands with the faint memory of a boy he'd only found charming is different from real infatuation. least of all for something london hails a monster. he had once, too. maybe he still did. a monster is still a monster, even when one is tangled in its arms and legs, but it is different when that monster is conceivably your own. he had never endeavored it notice him. choosing him, and the implications of fires's own heart ... he doesn't know what to do with that. worse still, he doesn't know how long he can hide behind the fear of god's damnation, when he has forsaken the heavens of his own free will.

"but there's always a chance that one day you won't." he peaks his eyes open, but doesn't look up at it. he stares, instead, at its chest, bare ... and silent. neither of their hearts beat. its never did : and he's not sure his ever had, either, until now. "and that frightens me." he will not admit that he's in love with it. it would have to pry it out of him with its cold, bloodied claws, and even then, he would choke on it. but at the same time ... he wanted it to admit it. he's confused. "you see, if i ran and you let me escape now, it would hurt, but i could survive. later, though? later would be heartbreaking." he scrunches his nose, feigning annoyance. the fact of the matter is that his chest hurts. fires terrifies him. it is not for the same reason it terrifies the rest of london. "you could have noticed any one of your workers, or anyone in london for that matter. why did it have to be me? why did you do this to me?"

lamenting is pointless, he knows. he keeps his hands close to his chest, but he doesn't move away from it. every part of him screams to stop before it's too late : if he stopped just running and stood his ground, told it that he didn't love it, that he wanted it to go, he knows that it would. he knows. "speaking of which, it's pretty clear to everyone already that i'm crazy just for being with you. but you have shit taste, by the way."

[camrynsthoughts]

should I send this to u? I don’t think so.

using writing as an escape and to let out my thoughts has always been one of my simple pleasures in life so here I am logging back into my depressing Tumblr  account. I am sitting here on a Monday night at 11 pm, with a sore throat, listening to my “it’s the past for a reason” Spotify playlist. and of course, my brain can’t simply shut up and be quiet, it has to constantly be running and thinking. and guess who it decided to think about tonight? you.

it’s been almost two months since I heard from you last and I finally told you how I felt. and let me tell you, that shit was humbling. why did I think it was going to go any different than it did? I don’t know but it’s no surprise that I'm a tad bit delusional. so that was that and I guess I'll never hear from you again. I've done my best to ignore the fact that conversation had happened and that it was, like, really the end. but when will I learn that ignoring my emotions and pretending I'm in la la land isn’t a cure to my problems. then came last night, driving home from Bloomington and listening to music when my brain finally decided it couldn’t ignore the fact that you exist but not in my life. 

it’s such a fucking roller coaster of emotions because I know I did the right thing by saying how I truly felt about you still. and I know you did the right thing by saying you’ll stop randomly messaging me. but it’s so hard to realize that was actually the end.. or was it because I mean, we’ve said that a million times before. not the point though (this is the delusion talking). driving home from Bloomington last night, all I wanted to do was text you and ask if we could talk in your car. I just had this feeling in my gut that I needed to talk to you and nobody else. this conversation was only meant for you. you’d always tell me I could rant to you and get everything off my chest and I never had anything to get off my chest. but last night I finally did and you weren’t there. and that’s when it really fucking hit me hard that I have to get the fuck over it.

I've been so angry lately. I feel like you from before when we weren’t as mature. you were always angry and I never understood how someone could have so much anger in them, but holy fuck, I honestly get it. I'm such an angry human being and it’s so ugly. but I'm sick of being nice and happy and optimistic, holy fuck I just want to be a ball of anger. when I think of you, I get this mix of love and nostalgia but then it turns into this ugly anger. I know you’re living life and happier than before and that makes me happy for you but holy fuck I'm sick of being brainwashed for years into thinking I didn’t deserve happiness and love because I fucking do. and it enrages me knowing that everyone I know has it and I still don’t til this day. it’s not your fault but god damn I just feel so drained. and at this point I don’t have the capability to be sad. I don't remember the last time I felt sad. its just anger now. and I feel like such a bitter, jealous bitch but I don't care. I think I am allowed to be angry that everyone in my life that has thrown me off to the side is the happiest they’ve ever been while I still suffer silently with absolutely no one. 

I had such a strong urge Sunday night to talk to you, see you, anything. I knew that wasn’t tangible but I was just playing out in my head me somehow getting ahold of you. and then you’d say you’re in town and that I could drive over. I'd jump in your car and just go off. not even on you, but just in general. I want to scream and I want to release all my anger because holy shit I just want to cry. I can't get myself to cry. I have so many emotions I need to release and no one would get it but you. I'm just so fucking confused because I'm not mad at you whatsoever, but why did I get the shit end of the stick? I know I'm a good person and I deserve so fucking much in life and I don't get good things that come my way. I get stepped all over and treated like garbage and I'm so fucking sick of it. why do you get to be happy now and I don't get to be as well? its selfish but I just wish I understood the way that the universe works. 

im kind of going off on this tangent of being angry but since I can’t talk to you I guess I can just write this mess. its funny how I want to be a writer and this is the shit I write in my free time. very embarrassing because writing a diary entry isn't art Camryn. whatever that's not the point. you know, I've always wanted to send you my writing. but that would be kind of creepy because majority of it is about loving you. and also you’d then see how shit of a writer I am. but it’s also the purest part of me and I wish you could've gotten to see that. god I'm getting so off topic. but it’s my writing so I can do and say whatever really.

you know sometimes I think I’ll never get over this hurt that I was never enough for you. and I know it seems silly to say that but it’s how I feel and I'm allowed to feel how I feel. you always put me off to the side and you cheated on girls with me and I was always like this side piece and I knew it but I let myself believe I wasn't. you'd tell me I was the girl you wanted to end up being with and that now just “wasn’t the time”. so you’d talk and date other girls but then still talk to me on the side and feed me all this delusion that it’d be my time one day and that one day never came and it fucks with my head still to this day. I gave you three plus years of my life and I don't regret it at all but holy shit I wish I knew how it felt to be someone’s first choice. because lets be for real, I was never your first choice or you would've been with me and not hurting me. I remember I was so delusional thinking I actually had a chance at being your real girlfriend one day. it’s so hard when someone has hurt you so much yet has also given you the most love you’ve ever been given in your life. that’s why this shit tears me apart so much because I shouldn't love you still but god damn I still do because I don't think you're a bad person at all. I just wish I was given that chance but I never really got that, and if I did, I blew it by being psycho because I didn’t want to let you go again. I believe I ruined it for myself but I also believe I never really had a fair chance honestly because I don’t know if I'd ever be enough for you. or maybe I was too much for you. I could never tell which one was true.

I'll be honest, it pisses me off that you’re with the girl that caused me to officially leave you back in 2020. it pisses me off thinking about the possibility if I didn't give up on you that she could’ve been me. but also I don’t know what makes me think that could’ve even happened because you would’ve still chosen her over me and I know you would’ve. and that's why I left. and it seems like I was right because it seems like you guys are still going strong. but then that pisses me off even more because you aren’t even 100% loyal to her since me and you had our moments over the last year. and then it makes me realize that you haven’t changed. and I don’t know why you cheat on your girlfriends with me and I don't know why I believe if I ever did get that fair chance of dating you that you wouldn’t cheat on me. it pisses me off because I'm still In love with a cheater and I’m the one who can’t seem to be happy or find love. is this all making it make sense why I am such an angry person lately?

I know that kind of just dragged you and honestly, id say I apologize but if anything you kind of deserve it. but I'll make it even by filling you in on a secret. I never ever cheated on you, and I know I never would if I ever got the chance of being your only girl. but I cheated on my most recent ex. and no one knows because it’s fucked up and I'm embarrassed about it. so I can sit here and make it seem like you’re an asshole, and I mean you have had your asshole moments. but so have i. so I can’t hate you as much as sometimes I wish I could. sometimes I think this is also why I have so much anger in me. because I know I can be a hypocrite because god damn it camryn, why are you shitting on your first love for being a cheater when you went ahead and became a cheater as well? it was only a kiss. but then I also tried reaching out to you a few times when I was in my last relationship so that shows I didn’t love the dude like that. I still wanted you and it hurt. I'm honestly just so sick of feeling hurt and not enough. 

my recent ex was a fucking loser, bitch made, liar. but it gives me peace knowing I'll go so much further than he will in life. I was the brains in our relationship and I wore the pants and it was cool but I couldn’t date a guy like that. I like being recognized as being smart and a bad ass bitch but I need my man to be equal to that as well, not a sore loser. and that’s why I fucking love you so much because you’re the complete opposite of him when it came to everything I hated about him. he was so... dumb sometimes. but you, you are intelligent and I could sit down and talk to you for forever. I could never with him.  and don’t get me started on his music taste and fashion .... you’d roast me. 

where have I gotten with this writing? honestly no where but I can’t talk to anyone about this shit so this is all I got. i wish I could be sitting in front of you right now and just get every single little thing off of my chest without any judgement. I'm a mess and its not fun and I'm angry and sick of feeling like total shit. I'm sick of not feeling like I can be loved fully and loyally. but why would I even deserve that when I've cheated and I've helped people cheat? am I a good person? or am I just as shitty as everyone that I shit on? it makes you think. whether I'm a shitty person or not, I'm sick of feeling like shit. and I'm sick of seeing people who are as shitty as me be happy. like Im happy you're happy... but I wish I could be too at the end of the day. I wish I could be happy with you or without you but unfortunately, it’s been years and I'm still struggling. 

[diariesofapisces]

Its 4 AM Friday its 76 degrees......

And I am up late blogging my feelings. Before you ask what could keep me up this late, think about why this blog was made. That's right I am still not over him. When I say him I always mean the situation. Recently I have been filled with lots of regret regarding my interactions with Spencer. I am analyzing every action I made a word I said and thinking of ways it could have been different. I absolutely hate this feeling and a lot of times it keeps me up at night. It's a feeling I doubt many of my friends have felt. Just this intense feeling of longing for something I never had. I want my delusion back. At the same time, I don't wanna live in delusion anymore. I don't know what's real and fake anymore. I see the situation at hand as very complicated and took both of us making " mistakes", but I feel like it's my fault at times. Or it's the opposite and it's all his fault. When I try to convince myself that it was a mutual mishap it just feels like I am gaslighting myself. Deep down I know I've ruined friendships in the past due to my inability to communicate and I feel like it happened again. The only thing I got out of the friendship was low self-esteem and regret. I have been thinking about it so much that I followed him on Instagram again. The thing that hurts the most is that I expect him to do something. He never passed any test when we were friends why would he do anything now. He makes me feel crazy especially because I don't know how to find closure. I assume saying stuff to his face would help but when have I ever been sure of something. What if he is not part of my closure. This isn't just closure from our friendship ending but it's closure about someone I put on a pedestal letting me down, tremendously. I had so many of these false expectations for him and I feel bad that I didn't really give him a chance. Except the thing I am asking for is so complex I don't even know how to say it even if I were face to-face with him. He doesn't get it and I don't think he will. There are so many emotions that I have not processed that maybe I need to clear up before I move on. Maybe it has to do with feelings of self-worthlessness engrained in me from childhood. All these small things have added up and created this storm which is the situation I have been in for more than a year. Maybe I have to have hope that I'll feel that connection again with someone, becuase it didn't have that much to do with him. It was mainly about his gender and how everyone wanted his attention. Oh. My. God. my daddy issues are screaming right now. I want his attention but then I feel like I don't deserve it but then I think it's a right. It goes back and forth until everything just explodes. I will feel so much better once I have gotten through this situation. It doesn't have to be the whole problem I just need to remove him from the real issue, which is my low self-esteem. I need to think of him as a personification of the person I don't want to be.

[the25thviolence]

Its 5pm (Year in Review etc)

I’m tired from the pizza I ate.  I just enjoyed watch my brother’s favorite football team win with him (they never win).   And I’m double listening to a playlist I made to fight god with.  

Now is the time I’ve decided to write my end of the year write up.  This moment.  Right now.  I am about to start writing it. 

Any.

Moment.

It’s.

About.

To.

Start.

One.

Second.

I.

Right.

Now.

I’ll.

Start.

Writing.

I switched jobs 3 times.  From retail (which I said I would never go back to after the retail job before that).  A Plastics factory job thing . And now I cut giant sheets of metal with a laser (not as cool as it sounds, as heavy as it sounds though).  

We’ve moved past the “mom has cancer” part of the storyline and now she’s just kind of hanging out.  Past the delusions of failure and depression.  We have moved onto the “I will grab life by its weak skinny neck and snap it in half if it dares to make the people I care about sad.” arc of the storyline.  

I stopped pining away at night for someone to care about me and now do not care because I’m strong enough to care about myself and everyone else around me.  If the world were to shatter I would simply wrap my hands around it and hold it in place.  If the sun were to fall out of the sky I would simply catch and toss it back where it belongs.  And if it all becomes too heavy for you I would simply pick up what you can’t carry and throw it on my back.  You are worth loving because I love you.  Is that not enough of a reason? 

I thought this writing writeup thing of words etc was going to be a lot longer but this playlist is really solidifying my emotions and shaping them into raw muscles that can lift heavy rocks. 

I made a long late night rant (ok I’ve made 100s of those but I mean the most recent one).  It was about understanding the needs of other thru there own pov instead of your own  It was very long and deep but I only wrote it because I thought my friends wanted me to stop playing overwatch and not that THEY wanted to stop playing overwatch.  Because every time they brought up it I heard it thru a lens of me.  I think people really thought it was something deep but it was just that my friends were super tilted and wanted to play minecraft instead of overwastch and I didn’t understand that because I was fine playing overwatch. 

I guess like this is important or like life affirming.  I finally got with a dentist to fix my team.  99% of my mouth is in ruin from the years, decades, of depression.  like 22 fillings, 2 root canals, a cap, and a completely dead tooth or two.  My advice is see a therapist before its too late and all the emotional pain you have physically ruins your body. 

I stopped writing stories, poems, words in general because I started feeling better.  I’ve always had this desperate need to escape myself when in deep painstaking trauma.  Coping or therapeutic either way it helps me feel better.  And for awhile now I haven’t felt the need to feel better.  I still fall into a fit of depression every other weekend.  But I’m doing the best I’ve been doing in over a year now.  

The past is gone.  The hill has been climbed.  I’m standing on the top of it all now.  Even still.  Even after all this pain.  I still grin while lifting my arms up.  Daring the world to stop me from leaping off.  Daring it to stop me from finding out if I can fly or not.  One more time.  One more try.  The last hundred didn’t kill me.  What’s one more fall from the mountain top to the ground below.  

My current worries are christmas.  I gotta spend at least $100 on friends.  Probably around $75 for my brother and his 4 children that I live with.   Than another $40 for my mom and brother.  And who knows how much on my team nephews.  Maybe $20 or $25 each.  I just gotta find a way and do the math.  

To the wind swept roads of tomorrow.  The sad winner of the Justin lottery.  Probably been waiting a few decades for this lost soul mate to appear.  I’m sorry but I mite never show up.  The world has had a firm grasp on my existence since I was a child.  If you somehow find me in the deep overgrown underground that is my permanent living hell.  I’ll be ripped and cut from the motion of it all.  The great spinning and falling of this life.  A torn tragedy.  I’ll hate you with every breath I take.  I’ll ignore you before I even begin to deny you.  Its not a hill.  Its not a mountain.  Its a flat cliff face.  You mite notice a shortcut permanently covered in fresh winter snow but I advise you ignore that.  Making me care about you is a quick way to get me into your heart.  But it does nothing for the locked gate on my heart.  Frigid like concrete.  Sadly not dramatic like a block of ice.  I cannot be melted.  Only warmed under the hot beating heart of the warm summer sun.  And as soon as you leave, even if only a moment, the coldness will seep into my body freezing it again.  I may be talking to a ghost but I would love a tree if it desired me so.  If a tree loving me made its life happier than I would love a tree.  Splinters and all.  

Well this was far shorter than I expected.  I know I have zero readers and mostly write for myself.  Even if I’m the writer I can also be the reader and I am very grateful to have myself in my own life.  Being alive is so fucking hard.  And dying seems like a fairytale.  But no one ever killed god and permanently smashed opened the waters of grace without first defeating life in a 1v1. 

[aaronburrssexdungon]

“Painfully unfunny troll (they’re all run by the same person)”

Yes! Painfully unfunny like more than half of your posts are painfully nonsensical and almost all are unfunny.

As for “painfully unfunny” you must have us confused with rd which should be short for “ridiculous dumbassery.”

“who mostly just uploads screencaps”

I would reblog but…… oh yeah. Little Miss Scaredy Pants went Block Happy again!

“ of things I’ve said and impotently screams into the void about them, to no one. “

Seriously plenty of people read it like you do so……. Guess again? Why I’m replying to you cuz I knoooooooow younwill sooooo read it!

“The only interaction they get is from other accounts they’ve made (basically rp’ing with themselves) a”

LOL! Hey @aaronburrsexdungeon, Renee thinks we’re the same person!

“nd from well-meaning people who accidentally type my url wrong. I”

LOL! Nah…… you were shadowbanned so they search for you and find us instead. Naughty naughty you got caughty. even people who type it correctly and haven't been blockedd by you cant find you. LOL!

“ genuinely feel really bad for them because it seems like they’re very lonely and desperate”

Ahhhhh so you get psychic when someone spoofs you???? Oh im so sad and lonely why dont I kms????? So if someone is sad and lonely, your response is to attack them??????? God, what a Super Bitch Cunt. Yiu always assume they’re sad and lonely! Cmon you can be more imaginative than that Little Miss Writes a Million Words about people ahe hates!

“and deep in the throes of some kind of delusion,”

Ohhhh noooo you know our deep dark secret. Just so sad, yes! LOL. /s

“but it's still very annoying and confusing, for myself a”

So you blocked us but you still look at us. LLOL! So annoying. Like trying to reblog someone but youre blocked kind of annoying? so you get annoyed. Go on and cry about it because you deserve to be annoyed and brought it on yourself unlike many innocent people out there that were unfairly blocked by you.

‘nd for other people. I’ve reported the blogs multiple times to no response from tumblr (not surprising)”

Yeh not surprising as in yiur not Benedict Cumberbatch and we aren’t impersonating him and aaronburrssexdungeon is not even your reaal name so you shit outta luck grrr.

“ so please just block them and do not interact with them. “

Instructions for your little sheep. Anyone out there who doesn’t baaaalindly do what an unhinged psychobiych says is welcome to folloe me or the other one.

“The blogs to block are @/aaronburrssexdungon (missing the “e” in dungeon) and @/”

Thanks for the Boost! I was wondering why I have so many new followers lately……….

Oh and we aint the haters. We aint the ones blocking innocent people Just on the Off Chance they Might be a Certain Blogger. So let go your hate and cowardice because youre the problem here, kay????

"aaronburrsexdungeon (only one “s”)"

Or you could always turn over a new leaf and start being nice for a change and stop spreading your toxic hate around. Its not that hard. It aint rocket science. Its easier than writing a million words and stupid shitposts. Maybe ask your mama how to do it cuz she was awfully Nice to me Last Night!

dont talk buot @cacaobeans that way.

they nice an not me ok

u mean ole botch

u lies

we knows truthe bout you

go diddlie u twatty it hunger for burr an ham meat now butt u cant hav they dayed ok

so s u kin rite mores kray sex seens

i live u too it babes

byee

[midnightmeetups]

🏷️Source Memories ; Doctor 🧪

Lately ive been having lots and lot of memories resurfacing due to the fact of connecting with Scara and 2nd being around a lot. Some of these of course having to be the worser side of things of my past, that man.

Pantalone and I used to have quite a wonderful relationship at a point of time, always together side by side. We had such a complex relationship differing from envy to love that was never met the same. I know he always used me as some toy to throw his money at, saying how unlimited it is always.

I miss his touch and the way he used to be but its like looking at a ghost. I know the man I once loved and had a life with has gotten lost in his own delusions, never to return to sanity.

The way he looked draped over the the bathtub with suds in his hair looking doe eyed at me wanting me to join, even though I despise the sight of this disgusting vessel. He was the first one to teach me that im not all just a disgusting monster or creation. He would gift me such luxurious accessories to show me I am beautiful and not as vile as I think. For a while it cured everything I had ever wanted or needed until 2nd was created, it all changed then.

He lost the spark that was once so bright, dulled with an emotions unaware to my brain, never seen or experienced before. He would get violent with the segment breaking or killing them, making it tedious to keep rebuilding 2nd as he was the main victim of this.

One night has always haunted my memories. The night when I came into his office looking for him as he was in the bath. He was in such a foul mood which I took as a joke, as most times, yet this time was different. Earlier the day he had broken another segment of 2nd, which was the previous one to the current, pissing me off pretty badly being the topic of finding Pantalone. The night was such a rush from him being loving to him almost shooting me to being fucked on the floor. I honestly think this is one of the last time we ever had sex between us and not him fooling around with a segment. I left that room that night covered in cuts and blood thinking; that this is the last time I will walk the walk of shame down these empty halls.

He after that slowly lost interest in me from what id assume lack of me being around at the time due to some … projects to put lightly. During my time away I was aware of the interactions he would take with the other segments, mainly in 2nd due to his insanity and obedience. I dont dare to push at that nor want to fully know not wanting to understand the intentions he has with 2nd. A poor projection of an old me he used to love dearly that will never be me again? The fact I had grown tired and bored of the treatment? Had bigger projects and goals that he did not approve of nor think I could archive and yet~ My god is stunning.

Wow I have ramble some so I think this is plenty of emotions off my chest now~

— Il Dottore

[vaguely-yandere]

good morning chami <33

just woke up and now i have to go work at my silly little part time job :// school also begins for me tomorrow so now i’ll be a working student!! (ahaha save me)

i don’t even get sleep paralysis, but what about a sleep paralysis demon yan… one that initially scares the sh!t out of you one night when you wake up and see it out of the corner of your eye… it’s a dark, shadowy figure, vaguely human, but you can tell it’s looking at you. you’re freaking out but you also have been dealing with sleep paralysis for a while, so this encounter isn’t entirely unexpected, thank god. you’ve just never seen a figure before today.

each night it seems to get a little closer. sometimes, as you drift off to sleep, you can almost hear little whispers of awe and praise, but you’re certain you’re hearing things. the closest it’s ever gotten was at the foot of your bed, just looking at you expectantly, but never moving closer. like a good dog being told to wait. honestly, some fucked up part of your brain is telling you that it’s a little cute, always staring at you but never doing much more. you even managed to smile a little bit during one night, and it definitely wasn’t expecting you to look at it so fondly, because it looked shocked (as shocked as a wispy demon could be) and promptly disappeared. it came back the next night of course, but it was back to its original far corner of your room.

maybe it’s a little shy??

- sunny <3

entities,,,, <3 also, good... day? night? idk my sleep schedule is all over the place lol but i hope youve had a pleasant time at work! (and sorry it took me so long to get to this!)

but, well, i imagine paralysis demon yan being pretty one dimensional (pun intended!).... are sleep paralysis demons one dimensional..? mine kinda were! i think. i kinda blocked that out as much as i could! it was weird.

anyway!!!!! this is a good idea, i just don't seem to have the type of creativity to really build off of it! (if someone is reading this and does, pls pls build off of it, i will kiss you consentually) but i think it'd be fuckin terrifying to wake up and just see them laying next to you, hearing distorted panting, seeing their form squirm more than ever and they're just. staring at you.

you know that video game with the sleep paralysis demon that whispers to you? i think itd kinda be like that!! batshit terrifying. and scary. but you kinda just get used to it after a while and, well, sometimes they manage to move your blankets back into place or pick up a pillow/stuffed animal you dropped and tuck it back into your arms, sometimes you wake up with your hair in a more protective style if you went to sleep without one (highly recommend looking up sleeping hairstyles for all hair types, saved me SO MUCH time and tangles!!!)and yea, sometimes you see them when you're awake and yeah, sometimes you overhear someone who was rude to you talking about having terrifying sleep paralysis even though they've never had that issue before and yeah, if you leave snacks out specifically for them with a note attached to clarify it's for them, they're gone in the morning and yea, sometimes you can see them trying to push you down and tuck you in when you stay up too late but those are minor things!!! everyone has a completely crazy moment in their life where they have a very intense delusion their sleep paralysis demon is in love with them, right???? hahahaha (poor darling omg)

and i hope you're into somno cause that's the only way you'll be able to have sex with em. i mean, y'all've tried doing it without you falling asleep but it just leaves both of you wanting more. the faint tickly feelings that could maybe possibly be them touching you in the pitch black darkness of your room just isn't enough! and everytime y'all try, poor Yan just sits by the edge of your bed, pouting... maybe. it's hard to tell cause of the lack of a proper human face.

and just laying there while they touch you has GOT to be trippy. cause you're aware of it but also not? like being mostly asleep and unable to tell what's a dream and what's reality and you're just so comfy and warm that you don't care which is which, as long as you get to stay in bed <3

[versadies]

Hey hey!! I've been following you for a while now and I love your work sm aaa

Saw the event, I love soulmate au's 😩‼ as a gemini, may I request a gemini prompt + kaeya? Up to you who the enemy is, I trust you ^ ^

-🦚 @pavo-ocell-me

someday, one day (hc scenario)

penpal: omg hi !! im glad u love my work, i hope this is to ur liking 🙌

prompt: gemini the twins, enemy-lover soulmate au

pairing/s: kaeya x gn!reader

sypnosis: when you thought he was your enemy but is actually your lover.

includes: spoilers on diluc and kaeya's backstory, spoilers on genshin's official webtoon, violence, physical pain, burns, arguing, enthusiastic!diluc (pls take note that its canon that he USED to be like all the other pyro characters b4 his father's death.),

when you first met diluc, it felt like he was your knight in shining armor.

the first time you two met was when you accidentally fell down from your balcony after leaning too much on the railing and diluc managed to catch you bridal-style whilst he was on patrol around the city as a knight.

it truly was romantic– and a near-death experience for you.

so when you found out that his name is imprinted on your wrist, you felt ecstatic, and so did he.

since then, you two were known as the youngest soulmates who had found each other in mondstadt, people admiring your relationship with envy and happiness.

of course, you and diluc were a happy couple. although you would be lying if you said diluc is overall your type, you managed to find yourself falling in love with the man.

when crepus, diluc's father, found out about diluc's once-in-a-lifetime moment, he simply laughs and pats you and his son by your backs with a proud smile.

"by the time my son turns 18, we better make arrangements of your wedding! it's a ragnvindr tradition, after all." he comments eagerly. you honestly weren't sure if the man was joking or not.

it didn't take long before you meet his dear brother, kaeya.

when you find out his brother's name is the same as the one that's imprinted on your other wrist, being surprised is far from your reaction.

"don't worry about it, y/n." diluc reassures you one night as the two of you stroll around the city together. "i'll make sure nothing will go wrong between you and my brother. besides, you always have me, right?"

if diluc hadn't tried what he said, perhaps things would've gone differently than now.

in fear of being enemies with your future brother-in-law, you decided to avoid kaeya like a plague, giving the young man apologetic looks whenever you walk away from his presence.

as much as you're avoiding the man, you couldn't imagine hating on kaeya. every night, you always think of what can make kaeya your enemy. what is there to hate him? he's funny, chivalrous, everything that screams your type of men.

wait.. type?

your heart drops from the moment you started thinking romantic things about diluc's brother, looking behind you to see your soulmate sleeping soundly with a frown plastered on your face.

is diluc really your lover?

doubts started to cross your mind. what if diluc isn't your soulmate? what is there to prove that kaeya is your enemy? are you just overthinking things?

"i can't think about this." you murmured to yourself, pulling up your comforter before laying back down on your bed and try to fall asleep.

"i have a wedding to worry about next year."

just as you said, you did try not to think about the possibilities you have with the two brothers, distracting yourself with tasks and dates with your lover, who's quite oblivious to your problems going on inside your head.

unnoticed by you, you weren't the only one who has been burdened with your thoughts.

by the time diluc's birthday has arrived, the two of you started to get excited from your future wedding, excited to finally marry each other after years of spending your adolescence together.

you didn't expect an inconvenience during diluc and crepus's trip.

you didn't expect crepus trying to save diluc from a monster using something that no one but snezhnaya has ever heard of.

you didn't expect crepus asking diluc to put him out of his misery.

you didn't expect diluc to come strolling back to your shared home with blood stained in his clothing at a late hour.

you never, ever, expected your lover to fight his own brother when he took a visit.

and you did not expect your lover to plan on leaving you and everyone.

"what do you mean you're... you're leaving?" you ask in disbelief, staring at diluc as though he has two heads. "can't i go with you–?"

"no, this journey will be too dangerous for you–"

"this applies to you as well! you're not an immortal or some god–"

"i can do this on my own, y/n." he says with his eyes narrowed. you couldn't help but scoff in disbelief. this isn't the diluc you know and loved.

"but diluc.. isn't this too much? your father... i know crepus's death is too much but, why can't you stay?" you whispered, cupping his cheeks. "what about our wedding? the life you and i planned after your bi–"

"my father died and you're seriously thinking about our wedding?!" diluc forces your hands away from his face, glaring at you. "why can't you understand that i'm trying to find out the truth on this delusion–"

"i do understand!" you yelled out. "i do understand that you want to do this for him but what about monstadt? the knights? what about your brother–"

"HE'S NOT MY BROTHER!" he yelled, lashing out at you as you screamed in surprise when you saw fire in front of you, immediately covering your face with your arms out of reflex.

you didn't notice how your lover's eyes widens on what he did,

you couldn't notice him, not when you're too focused on the huge burns on your arms.

"oh my god..." diluc murmurs, slowly taking a few steps back as he takes a look of what he did, ignoring the sudden presence of adelaide and elzer, who both gasped from the scene.

your eyes starts to water from the intense pain, trying not to cry out and scream your heart out in fear of making your lover feel regret. you could honestly care less on what diluc is doing, all you could think about was the intense burns from your arms.

suddenly, the door was slammed open by kaeya– who was wet from the rain outside.

"what the hell did you do to them?!" kaeya exclaims, running towards you with a shocked look on his face. "i'll take you to the cathedral alright? the sisters will heal you." he whispers, wiping off the tears from your face as he wraps his arm around your shoulder and takes you towards the doors.

before diluc could let out a word from his mouth, kaeya gives him a glare.

"you may hate me for what happened," kaeya says.

"but for celestia's sake, don't ever come to them or call them your lover ever again."

that was the last time you saw diluc.

you eventually find out from the chattering nuns that the man had already left monstadt with no news of when he'll return, causing everyone to pity you and for diluc about what happened.

you were thankful that no one except the nuns found out about the incident of your arms.

throughout your stay in the cathedral, you usually find kaeya beside you, keeping an eye on you with a concerned look on his face. you honestly couldn't imagine what would've happened if the man didn't storm inside dawn winery. would diluc actually try to help you later on and leave? would you have suffered more with your injuries as he stands by watching you in disbelief?

whatever outcome you could think of, your heart ached from them all.

would diluc stayed had he been the one who tries to take care of your injuries?

either way, you knew the man is no longer the one you fell in love with from those years ago.

as years grew by, so did your friendship with kaeya.

although it was awkward from the start, you eventually warmed up to the man who you thought is your enemy, feeling more comfortable with him than before.

the two of you started having careers by then, with you having a successful career whilst kaeya becomes the calvary captain of the knights of favonius.

although the two of you are busy, you agreed to always meet each other at night in angel's share, where you drink the night away and talk about anything that comes out of your minds.

there wasn't a day when you thought about diluc.

thankfully, your burns weren't too severe and is slowly fading away throughout the years. but that doesn't mean the memories you had from it disappeared as well.

ever since that dreadful night, you started having nightmares about the incident, always finding yourself sitting up from your bed with a scared look on your face.

you wished you didn't want to see diluc this way, but you honestly couldn't bare to face him if he ever comes back to the city.

you don't see him as a lover or a friend. all he is to you at this very moment is your nightmare.

your nightmares simply washes away when kaeya comes up in your mind.

whenever you think about your so-called destined enemy, you felt comforted and safe. it was understandable really! you were touched by how he took care of you regardless of you being his "enemy".

however... now that you could think about it, the calvary captain has a lot more common with you than diluc himself. the fact that his brother made you laugh a lot and supported you in many ways made you started thinking that maybe diluc really isn't your destined lover.

your heart skips a beat from the thought of kaeya being your true lover, the smile you wore never fading away.

perhaps when you're finally starting to move on from the relationship you had with diluc, maybe... just maybe, kaeya could be the one you've been hoping for.

you started to sleep more peacefully, excited for the future that awaits.

somewhere in the calvary captain's home, the man is dreaming and hoping of you too.